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I remember well my first conscious exchange with a Good Man. Tom was the best friend of a man I had been dating for several months, and a warm acquaintance—though hardly a friend—of mine. I had asked him to meet me for coffee one day after a troubling incident with my lover when I feared he might hit me. While he had not, as I closed and locked the door behind him that night, I was shaken by the possibility. And I was also deeply in love. I called Tom for a “reality check,” to find out if he knew of any history of physical violence, and to seek his advice.

Many academic men are sympathetic to issues of gender equity and supportive of feminist goals, but see feminism as basically irrelevant to their interests. Yet they may be engaged in research, teaching, and/or community activities which advance feminist objectives, never examining their efforts in a feminist framework. Too often feminism has been defined as a “woman only” arena, or in competitive terms of male versus female privilege, rather than a cooperative effort to improve the quality of life for everyone. The few men who have attempted to embrace a feminist worldview as their own have been marginalized by women who view them with suspicion and by men who see them as gender traitors (or as a friend says, “The worm in the sperm”). Such a marginalized status promises a career which can be uncomfortable and insecure. We must expand the definition of feminism to include cooperative ventures of men and women working together to bring about positive social change.